The Hard Work of Restoring Relationships

Be Man Enough to Say Sorry

Let’s start with a simple question.

Do you ever have a hard time saying you’re sorry?

Do you ever struggle to admit you were wrong? Have you ever damaged a relationship because of pride instead of choosing honesty, humility, and transparency?

If you’re like most guys, your answer is probably yes. It is for us too.

Saying “I was wrong” and actually meaning it is hard to say to ourselves. It can be even harder to say out loud to someone else. Our pride and ego can become a breeding ground for the evil one to mess with us, pull us away from God, and create distance in the relationships that matter most.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”Proverbs 11:2

As we have shared in recent Fist Bumps, we are currently working through Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life with 14 other guys.

By the way, it has been an incredible experience.

This is the first time we have attempted something like this, and it has been amazing to see how God is working through the group. Four weeks ago, most of the guys did not know each other. But through the shared commitment of daily reading, commenting, and listening for how God is speaking, deeper and more meaningful relationships are forming.

This past week, one of the chapters focused on restoring broken relationships.

Said another way, it was about humility. It was about saying you are sorry. It was about admitting when you are wrong. And it was about remembering that meaningful relationships are always worth restoring.

Here are a few things we were reminded of this week.

Go to God first

Talk to God about your challenging relationships.

He already knows about them. He knows where you are frustrated. He knows where you are angry. He knows where you have been hurt. He also knows where you have messed up, where you said something you shouldn’t have said, and where you may need to apologize.

Tell Him the truth.

He will not be surprised.

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”Psalm 62:8

Be bold and go first

If a relationship matters to you, take the first step.

It does not matter if you are the one who needs to apologize or if you are the one waiting for someone else to apologize to you. Too many of us delay, overthink, stew, or wait for the other person to make the first move.

Pride tells us to wait.

Humility tells us to go. And the longer we wait, the more resentment can grow.

Listen more than you talk

Take time to understand the other person’s perspective.

What are they feeling? What did they hear? How did your words or actions land with them?

Use your ears more than your mouth.

Look out for the other person’s interests, not just your own. Sometimes listening well helps us see the plank in our own eye. God created each of us differently, and part of maturity is learning to understand those differences instead of making everything about ourselves.

Because, men, here is a truth many of us need to keep hearing.

It is not all about us.

Be humble enough to own your part

Be man enough to admit when you are wrong.

Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. Sometimes the most important questions we can ask are the hardest ones.

• Am I the problem?

• Am I being unrealistic?

• Am I being insensitive?

• Am I being too sensitive?

Look in the mirror and be honest. Self-awareness and transparency are powerful tools for building and maintaining long-lasting relationships.

As we head into a new week, think about the relationships in your life.

Do any of them need a little restoring?

Are there relationships that need a phone call, a cup of coffee, a hard conversation, or a simple, honest apology?

The people closest to us are often the ones most impacted by our pride. They are also the ones most worth fighting for.

We were reminded this week of a short verse from Proverbs.

“A friend loves at all times.”Proverbs 17:17

Not just in the good times. At all times.